Handling baby news

This past week, I've had 2 baby announcements to endure. One from a friend, who told me she is expecting a baby in August. Another from an acquaintance, who had a baby on Saturday.
I have to admit that I am handling baby news much better than I used to. I was genuinely happy for my friend when she told me and I didn't cry or get very upset when I received the email about the birth 2 days ago.
I was expecting an email birth announcement, so I've been preparing myself mentally (and emotionally) for it. So far, I've found that to be the easiest way to handle news. Prepare, so I'm not caught off guard.
I am getting much better, especially the past 3 months or so. A girl at my church had a baby on Oct. 23--my due date in 2005 with Mercy. I cried much of the day and after I found out that the baby had been born, but she (the baby) has really been an instrument of healing for me. I see her every Sunday and am watching her grow. I got through her dedication ceremony without any tears falling (they were in my eyes and I had a huge knot in my throat). I've held her several times and have had her "talk" to me. That was particularly hard because it brought back so many memories of my kids when they were babies. I miss not having a baby so bad! The Mom nurses her and is always asking me questions about it. I nursed each of my kids exclusively until they were between 18 and 22 months. I miss that, too, but it really does heal me to face these things. I feel like each thing I face is another victory and another piece to the puzzle of healing and acceptance.
When I first lost Mercy, I knew lots of women who were due with babies within a month or two or me. Everytime I would see them, I would have to find someplace to get away (usually my car, as I would see them in passing), so I could completely break down. And I would. Cry. Sob. Be angry. One woman in particular was due 5 days before Mercy was due, so I took her food before her baby was born (that way I didn't have to see the baby after it was born). It was a little measure of healing. Everytime I see her little girl, I think, "My baby should be that age by now." I saw her last month at my niece's wedding and for the first time, I could look at her without great sadness. I still thought that I should have a baby that age, but I didn't feel like I was going to lose it.
I've never kept a blog before, so I don't know when what I have to say becomes just rambling, so I'm signing off for now. Next time, I think I'll write about books that have helped me through this adventure.
Paula