I know in my last post, I said I'd talk about books I've found to be helpful on my journey, but I'll get to that one another time. I want to talk about weeping with those who weep.
The Bible tells us to "rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15. Since I started my journey on March 29, 2005, I have found that not many are willing to weep with one who is weeping.
First, I want to talk about those wonderful friends and acquaintances who took the time to send me a card, pray for me, and ask me every once in awhile how I'm doing. I was thankful for them all, especially the ones who had been there before and knew it wasn't something I was going to be over quickly. I appreciated the listening ears who listened to me cry, be angry, and feel hopeless. I always felt a little more hopeful and less angry when I was done talking to them.
Now, to those who really didn't acknowledge my pain. There were those friends who went about their merry way, having their babies, never asking me how I was doing. I can think of 2 examples in particular. The first, I admit, was the hardest one for me to deal with, and still is. This lady (a relative), who had miscarried three times as well, and lost a son when he was a baby didn't even send a card when I lost either baby. There are those friends you don't expect to send a card, but I would have expected one from her. That really hurt, especially since I remembered her baby's birthdate and death date every year (for 7 years) by sending her a card to let her know I was thinking about her. It made me feel like my babies weren't important enough for her to acknowledge... She never once asked me how I was unless I brought up the subject first. I'm still not over this one.
The second example is of a woman whose baby was born around the time Mercy would have been due (wrote about her in the last blog). When I was at my lowest point (last year, right before my hysterectomy), I was at a function with her and I was crying (another friend was with me, so it wasn't like I was blubbering to myself). She didn't acknowledge me when she saw me crying and then, when I had composed myself, came up, said "HI", and went to a corner in the same room and proceeded to nurse her baby. I just thought that was very unthoughtful. I have forgiven her. She's not really a thoughtful kind of person, so I'm trying not to take it personally.
I need to wrap up because I'm going to be late to a play I'm suppose to go to, but I want to end with this: if you know someone who has experienced a miscarriage or lost a baby, use the knowledge (and empathy) you have gained to help comfort them. Be thoughtful and mindful of others who are in this grief.
That's my rant. Maybe next time, I'll talk about the books.
Paula
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1 comment:
I wrote about this very thing. I think people don't know what to say, so they don't say anything to aviod sounding stupid. What they don't realize is that their silence is more hurtful than any stupid thing they can say. I get this all the time....I can't tell you how many of my friends don't talk to me anymore because I've told them about my miscarriages and they don't know what to say back.
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