I have never been very secure in myself. I don't like to be in charge of things and I don't like to do things by myself. I'm not overly friendly and I'm sure more than one person thinks I'm probably stuck up because I just don't talk well with people until I really get to know them. I'm in the process of changing that. I am doing something that is really taking me out of my comfort zone--I am becoming a distributor for a rubber stamp company. I love to make cards and scrapbook, so I think doing this will help me make a little extra money and maybe give me a little more self confidence. Another thing I am seriously considering is doing the Avon cancer walk in Denver this year. My sister-in-law invited me and others in our family to do it with her. It is a 39 mile walk over the course of 2 days. What a stretch to convince myself that I can do it! I did 2 5K runs 2 years ago (I was pregnant with Mercy during one of them and wondered until I lost Blessing if running was the cause). They were a boost to my sense of "I can do it".
I know this is all very much off subject, but these are things I can do now because I am not pregnant or nursing a baby. I have finally accepted my lot as one who will not bear more children. The end of baby hood is looming before me--my son will be out of diapers soon. I haven't been free of diapering a little one for almost 13 years. I don't have to watch my son quite as much as I have in the past because he is getting older and a little more predictable. It is a freedom that I didn't think I would readily embrace. I would still adopt a baby in a heartbeat if $25,000 happened to fall into my lap, but I am OK if I never have a baby again...
Sorry it's off the subject, but I just had to share,
Paula
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