Miscarrying with a housefull

Tomorrow marks the 2 year anniversary of miscarrying Mercy. I wrote about most of the experience in one of my first blogs. I'd like to write about the difference between my first miscarriage when I had no children as opposed to miscarrying when I had them.
My first miscarriage was spent on the couch drawing up my legs every few minutes because of the pain. I cried for almost 2 hours while the contractions came. They gradually got worse, as in childbirth, and eventually stopped all together. I was so relieved when it was over with that I couldn't cry anymore. At least not until the next day and everyday after for over 9 more months. It was quiet, except for my crying and my dogs checking on me trying to figure out what was going on.
When I lost Mercy, I started contracting early in the morning. I had awaken to spotting, which I had not done until that time, even though I had known for over 2 weeks that my baby was dead. I got breakfast for my children and turned Sesame Street (at the time, we didn't have satellite). Every few minutes, I'd close my eyes and breathe. I always did that when I was in labor--close my eyes and breathe slowly in and slowly out. When I was in labor with my kids, I used to say in my head "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" over and over until each contraction was over. I don't remember doing that when I was miscarrying because Jesus felt very far away from me at that time. My son, who was only a year old, started fussing, so I decided to go ahead and nurse him. I didn't know if that would make the contractions harder or if the bleeding would be heavier. I decided I didn't care. My doctor had told me when we found out that Mercy had died that if I bled a pad an hour to get to the Emergency Room. After my son nursed, I went to the bathroom and from the time I stood to the time I got to the bathroom, my pad was soaked. I immediately freaked out, as I had 5 children with me and I live 25 minutes from the ER. It wasn't like I could drive myself, so I called my husband. He's a firefighter and couldn't get off because they were shorthanded that day. My Mom was having blood work done to test for diabetes, so I called my dad, who picked me up and drove me in. By the time I got to the ER, I had been bleeding heavily for over an hour. I walked in and had to get immediately to the bathroom. I bled all over my pants. It was awful because I then had to come out of the bathroom and tell someone what was happening. Thankfully, there was a nurse walking by when I came out and she put me directly in a room. Several hours later, my doctor came in to check on me and everything had passed. She didn't see a baby. I was finally released and I left the hospital feeling physically like I'd just had a baby, but with no baby to show for it.
Four months later, I found myself in the same situation, except I was at my parents' house this time. Once again my dh was working and couldn't get off. It took me awhile to get over that one--suffering through 2 miscarriages alone. I made dinner for my kids because my Mom had a meeting after work. The contractions picked up, along with the bleeding. After sitting on the toilet bleeding for 3 hours, I finally listened to my Mom who told me I needed to go to the ER. Several times during that 3 hours, I almost passed out, so I'm surprised she didn't just load me up and take me. She and my sister-in-law (my bro's wife) went with me and stayed there all night while I bled and eventually had a D&C. The three of us are pretty good about making the best out of a bad situation and I was really glad they were there to lighten the mood. One of the most memorable laughs we had was when the ER doc came in and started to look in my ears. He knew I was miscarrying, so I'm not sure why he did that, but we laughed so hard when he left! I still smile when I think of that.
All of my miscarriage experiences were different and all of them were tragic and a very sad part of my life. I am glad, though, that I have a wonderful family who is willing to bear those kinds of burdens with me.
Paula