Unexpected emotions

It seems like every time I think I'm good and won't cry anymore about my babies, something new pops up unexpectedly to make me. That happened on Monday morning when I called my gyn (she's no longer my ob). I haven't made a phone call to the office since before my hysterectomy 15 months ago. All the memories of calling, excited to know when my first prenatal appointment would be, caught up with me when I heard the voice of the same receptionist that I talked to over 3 years ago when I was wondering if I could go into labor soon because I had lost my mucous plug. I had never lost it that I knew of with my other pregnancies and was hopeful to go into labor early. That didn't happen, but that's another story. Anyway, after I hung up the phone, I started bawling. I came about this close (I'm holding my finger and my thumb about a 1/4 inch apart) to calling you, Angie, but I decided to buck up and quit acting like a baby. I think it should have been time for a period, because I have been awfully weepy this week.
I made the appointment Monday because of a painful lump in my right breast. I talked to the nurse, who set up an ultrasound for today to have it checked out. My last few ultrasounds have ended in bad news, which makes me nervous about this one. I know it's silly to associate negative events of the past with my present, but I still feel that way. I honestly think that what has been bothering me for the past few months is a cyst that I've had for years. It doesn't help that in the past 2 weeks I've heard of 2 women who have recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and I'm doing the breast cancer walk next weekend, June 23 and 24. I don't like the irony of it all. I'll post what I find out.
To my walk--I am SO not ready! My longest walk has been 8 miles, which I did last Friday. My oldest daughter is taking a summer school class with my brother, who is an 8th grade science teacher in a local district, so taking her to school and picking her up everyday has totally messed up my schedule! If I am able to walk the 13.1 miles on Saturday and Sunday, I'll be happy.
Have a good day,
Paula