Thought for the Day

I am at my in-laws' house and on a little flip calender for the day was the saying "God never closes one door without opening another."
Today marks the sixth anniversary of the triplets' birth and death (see the triplets' story in my earlier blog entries). I have so many sad memories of that day and I always feel sorry for my brother and sister-in-law during this time of remembering.
The thought for today really caught my attention. That is so true. God closed the door for my brother and his wife to be parents to triplets, but He opened the door almost two years later for them to adopt McKenzie. I am babysitting for her today, especially grateful for God's wisdom in the matter. I know that little Ethan, Rebecca, and Brianna are in Heaven with my precious little ones and that I'll see them again, and for that I am also grateful.
Paula

Evasive Itches

This morning, I was awaken at 3:30 a.m. to my daughter B crying in my room. Her knee was hurting and she couldn't find our hot water bottle. I looked as well as I could at 3:30 in the morning and, not finding it, we put together a hot washcloth in a plastic bag. It must have done the trick, because she went right to sleep after that.
When I laid back down again, I had one of those evasive itches--the kind where you can't quite figure out where it itches, so you scratch until you find a spot that doesn't even itch and it relieves the itch altogether. I never could figure those things out! It took me awhile to find that non-itchy spot that relieved the itch, so I lay there thinking. For the past several weeks, I've been waking up depressed almost every morning, but I can't really figure out why. I've named it evasive depression. I don't know if it is because it has been a really long, miserable winter? Or if it's because three years ago, I was pregnant? Or if because four years ago, I was hugely pregnant with my son (he will be 4 tomorrow)? Maybe it's a combination of all three. I don't know. I think since in the past year, we have left diapers, a crib, and a binky behind with Sean, his birthday may be affecting me in a bad way this year. I almost cried last night thinking about his birth, which I haven't done for a long time. On Sunday, it was 78 degrees here and I certainly got spring fever, so today's snow and 30 degree weather is probably wearing on me, too.
At any rate, spring is just around the corner, even though I can't see it yet, my boy's birthday will pass and I will think of it fondly, if a little sadly, and I can remember being pregnant with Mercy and know that I will see that baby again someday.
Paula

This Week's Miracle and A Reason I Miscarried

Last Saturday, I got a call from my niece who miscarried in December. It seemed she was miscarrying again and she was devastated. I finished the grocery shopping that I was in the middle of, took my husband and kids home, and went back into town to Panera Bread to talk to her. She and her husband were sitting in a corner huddled together. I stayed with them for about 2 hours and listened while she talked, while she questioned why her again, and while she wept, sometimes sobbing into her husband's shoulder. I felt so helpless as to what to do to help her. I know from experience that grief is something between you, your spouse, and God, but mostly something you go through yourself. At least I found it to be that way. She asked me why this was happening to her a second time. I told her that God chooses some people to go through the grief of miscarriage so that they can help others in the same situation (see 2 Corinthians 1). Not a fun calling in life, but a necessary one. I don't know why He chooses some, while others can be pregnant 9 times and never have one (I know a woman who never miscarried after 9 pregnancies), but I do know He has a reason, even if we don't see it. After leaving, I prayed, "God, if it's possible, let this be a false alarm." I don't know why I prayed that, but I did. I have been praying for her and hurting for her all week. Yesterday, she called me to tell me that she went to the doctor on Monday and she did NOT miscarry! The bleeding and cramping she was having was probably due to implantation. The doctor told her that when the placenta implants, sometimes blood vessels can rupture to cause the cramping and the bleeding. They did an ultrasound, didn't see a baby, but wouldn't likely see one because it is still so small. They also did blood work, which all turned out normal. Praise God! I was amazed. Now, I worry that she may actually miscarry and have to endure that pain again. I hope and pray not.
All week, I have contemplated reasons why I miscarried and went on NOT to have any more children. I think the main reason is because if I had had another baby, I really don't think the sensitivity would be there. The pain wouldn't have lasted so long and wouldn't have been branded on my heart like it is. I have searched for a reason for almost 3 years and I think that's it.
Three years ago, I was enjoying the 4th day of knowing I had another life living inside me. I think I've blogged about the whole thing already, but my baby's life anniversary is worth noting.
On a different subject--we had a baby shower for my preemie great (grand?) niece today. She wasn't there, but her Mom was. She looks great and Eden is doing great. I'm so thankful. She got her oxygen taken out yesterday and is breathing well on her own. She is also up to 4 lbs. 3 oz. She had plateaued (spelling?) in her weight for about 2 weeks, but she's starting to gain again. Yay!
Our baby weasel (ferret) is doing fine, too. She is kind of ornery, though. She likes to bite and growl if she doesn't like what you're doing. We scruff her and thump her nose when she does it, but the learning is slow. When she's sleeping, she is so sweet. She curls herself up like a cinnamon roll and I can hold her in the palm of my hand.
Talk to you later.
Thankful for every miracle,
Paula