The Old Ache

I need to vent. Right now, my eyes are red and I have a lump in my throat from too much crying. It all started yesterday when I called a pregnant friend to see if I needed to pick up her kids for a homeschool group function. She told me that she was having contractions 30 minutes apart. I felt the old familiar pang, but I didn't shed tears until later in the evening. Yesterday was such a great day. We went on a family outing to the St. Louis Science Center and I went home and made a dinner that I know my whole family likes. Then I made dessert. I never do that. It was to be a Valentine's dinner because my husband worked on Valentine's Day. Talking to my friend bothered me a little, but I held up fine until later in the evening when my dh got mad about something. I'm not even sure what, but I felt like my efforts to make a special dinner and dessert went unappreciated. Then, all of my feelings about my friend's pregnancy and impending birth caught up with me. I cried after my dh went to bed. I woke up this morning not really feeling any better. I didn' t cry though, until I got a message from my friend's husband telling me they are in the hospital. I managed to call her back and keep my composure. She was a 6 1/2 cm dilated, so I'm sure she'll have her baby today. In the background was the familiar "thump, thump, thump" of the fetal monitor. I haven't heard that wonderful sound since my son was born. I got off the phone and have pretty much been crying ever since... Will I EVER be better?????? How will I react when I hear that her baby has been born? I'm afraid to know. I have to pick up her other kids later. I hope I don't lose it... And to top it all off, I fell on my butt getting out of the car at my parents' house because of ice. I'm bawling now. Why is it when you feel sad you feel completely tired and weak? I don't want to go to my homeschool group today. We're having a formal luncheon to talk about manners. My make up is a total mess and I just want to be alone.....
Hopefully I'm better next time I post,
Paula