My name is Paula and I am a food-a-holic. There, I said it. I love food. I love to cook it and I love to eat it! I am not terribly overweight, but I have about 15-20 lbs. that I need to get rid of and I'm having a hard time doing it. I know why I can't lose it. I eat too much. I exercise several times a week. On Monday this week, I actually exercised twice, but the scale hasn't budged. When I got married, I was too skinny. Not by choice. I was just built that way--until I had kids. I've struggled with my weight ever since. It doesn't help that every woman in my husband's family wears a size 2 or 4! My Mom has told me that I'm not fat, but if she were me, she'd feel the same way in that family. Forgive my whining. I'm in a discouraging lull in my workout regimen due to having a cold for the 2nd time in 3 weeks. I was healthy all winter long! But now that I have to get in shape for this Avon walk, I'm sick again. Grrrr! I am going to commit to eating healthier and less and to getting back to my exercising as soon as I feel better! I'll post if I ever lose weight. Wrong attitude... I'll post WHEN I lose weight. Better.
Last night, while cleaning up after dinner, we discovered that our Guinea Pig was dead. The M Household is a dangerous place for animals anymore. Poor Piggy (Miss Piggy, but I always called her Piggy, Piggers, Piggy Wiggy, Pig Wig, Little Pig). I guess she was just old. I don't know how old guinea pigs get, but she was 4 1/2 years old, so maybe that was it. My husband was upset because Piggy used to squeak at him every night when he'd get ready for bed. My kids weren't as upset as they were about Mr. Bo, thank goodness. I'm sad about them both. There are very empty spots in and around our house now--where Piggy's cage was in our front bathroom, where Mr. Bo slept in the garage. We have a lot of animals still in our house, though. Here's an introduction: Whiskers (or Whiskers the Wonder Cat, as I call him)--a gray cat that lounges about our house and watches the mice taunt him :) (on a side note, Poor Whiskers was at a loss when he went into the front bathroom last night and Piggy's cage was gone. And this morning, before I was up, he came into my room and meowed, which is something he never does. Death affects other animals, too). Link (Stinky Weasel to me)--an overly energetic and very aggressive ferret that belongs to my oldest daughter. I never thought I'd like a ferret, but he's fun. When he's out of his cage, he likes to get on my bed and pull off folded socks to hide them under my bed. Dude (the name says it all, so he doesn't have a nick)--a slightly annoying Border Collie, who was Mr. Bo's friend. When Mr. Bo was suffering in my driveway, Dude kept coming over to see what was wrong with him and he had a sadness in his eyes when Mr. Bo was gone. I have a greater appreciation for Dude now. I try to pet him everyday and he doesn't seem nearly as annoying as he used to. Fletch (aka, Fletchbird)--he's a cockatiel, who likes to say his own name, wolf whistle, and whistle part of the Andy Griffith theme song. He also makes little kissing noises and likes it when you make kissy noises back to him. We also have a hermit crab named Hermie, who never comes out of his shell, a hamster named Hamilton, 2 baby goats that we are bottle feeding, and lots of unwanted mice. Why can't the mice die???
I found out this week that one of the kids in our church youth group is pregnant. I was saddened, but for a different reason. Her parents are really good people and I think they've been duped by her. I don't know how they'll take this news. She has told my sister-in-law (bro's wife) that she may give the baby for adoption, but she will not abort. I hope she makes the right decision. She is so dingy (as in goofy, not dirty) that I really don't think she'd make a decent parent.
Tomorrow, I'm going to a homeschool fair and then spending the night with my husband. He has a class in the same area that I'll be. It'll be nice to have a "date" night.
Sorry to talk so long,
Paula
Friday, April 27, 2007
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Heaven and a purpose in death
The topic this week in my daily devotional has been Heaven. Here are a few things I've read about.
Who will be there? Our Triune God--Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. All of the angels, the old testament saints, and all believers. (A side note:What about those little ones who never had the chance or the knowledge to be saved? I believe that little ones who are lost immediately go into the presence of the Heavenly Father and that God has a certain time or age when He holds us accountable for our sins. A little child or a baby, born or unborn, isn't aware of it's sinful nature and therefore is not held accountable.)
How will we be different physically? We'll have glorified bodies like Jesus had when He arose on the 3rd day. We know that Jesus had a visible physical form, could just appear in a locked room, and could be touched.
Will we recognize each other? Our bodies will be identifiable. Jesus' followers recognized Him.
Here are some others' thoughts about Heaven:
"All the things that made Earth unlovely and tragic will be absent in Heaven." Billy Graham
"Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret?There are better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis
"We talk about Heaven being so far away. It is within speaking distance of those who belong there. Heaven is a prepared place for prepared people." D.L. Moody
"Hearts on earth say in the course of a joyful experience, 'I don't ever want this to end.' But it invariably does. The hearts of those in heaven say, 'I want this to go on forever.' And it will. There is no better news than this." J.I. Packer
"There will be little else we shall want of heaven besides Jesus Christ. He will be our bread, our food, our beauty, and our glorious dress. The atmosphere of heaven will be Christ; everything in heaven will be Christ-like: yes, Christ is the heaven of His people." C.H. Spurgeon
"The best is yet to be." John Wesley
An acquaintance of mine (a 26 year old mother of a 1 year old) is currently battling leukemia. Two months ago, she was given 2 months to live. She is still fighting with some experimental treatments. She has written in her blog that she had been researching Heaven as if she was going on a trip. It's a good thing for us to think about if we've lost loved ones or, in my case, babies. Just remember that this is temporary. We'll be with them always someday.
Another little thought about a purpose in death. I am very attached to this world. I like living, for the most part. I like doing my thing--taking care of my kids, being with my family and friends, playing my music really loud, cooking, making cards. I could go on and on. I noticed years ago, before I lost Mercy and Blessing, that with each death I endured, I was weaned a little more off of this world. The sting of death (that of loved ones) is relieving the sting of death (my own someday). Each loss makes me more ready for Heaven. I have a lot of people to look forward to seeing: Jesus, Christian, Mercy, Blessing, Ethan, Rebecca, Brianna (the triplets), little Ricky (my 5 mo. old nephew who died), my Grandma and Great Grandma. While I still am attached to living in this world, I can look forward to living in the next and never facing the pain I've gone through in this life.
Til next time,
Paula
Who will be there? Our Triune God--Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. All of the angels, the old testament saints, and all believers. (A side note:What about those little ones who never had the chance or the knowledge to be saved? I believe that little ones who are lost immediately go into the presence of the Heavenly Father and that God has a certain time or age when He holds us accountable for our sins. A little child or a baby, born or unborn, isn't aware of it's sinful nature and therefore is not held accountable.)
How will we be different physically? We'll have glorified bodies like Jesus had when He arose on the 3rd day. We know that Jesus had a visible physical form, could just appear in a locked room, and could be touched.
Will we recognize each other? Our bodies will be identifiable. Jesus' followers recognized Him.
Here are some others' thoughts about Heaven:
"All the things that made Earth unlovely and tragic will be absent in Heaven." Billy Graham
"Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret?There are better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis
"We talk about Heaven being so far away. It is within speaking distance of those who belong there. Heaven is a prepared place for prepared people." D.L. Moody
"Hearts on earth say in the course of a joyful experience, 'I don't ever want this to end.' But it invariably does. The hearts of those in heaven say, 'I want this to go on forever.' And it will. There is no better news than this." J.I. Packer
"There will be little else we shall want of heaven besides Jesus Christ. He will be our bread, our food, our beauty, and our glorious dress. The atmosphere of heaven will be Christ; everything in heaven will be Christ-like: yes, Christ is the heaven of His people." C.H. Spurgeon
"The best is yet to be." John Wesley
An acquaintance of mine (a 26 year old mother of a 1 year old) is currently battling leukemia. Two months ago, she was given 2 months to live. She is still fighting with some experimental treatments. She has written in her blog that she had been researching Heaven as if she was going on a trip. It's a good thing for us to think about if we've lost loved ones or, in my case, babies. Just remember that this is temporary. We'll be with them always someday.
Another little thought about a purpose in death. I am very attached to this world. I like living, for the most part. I like doing my thing--taking care of my kids, being with my family and friends, playing my music really loud, cooking, making cards. I could go on and on. I noticed years ago, before I lost Mercy and Blessing, that with each death I endured, I was weaned a little more off of this world. The sting of death (that of loved ones) is relieving the sting of death (my own someday). Each loss makes me more ready for Heaven. I have a lot of people to look forward to seeing: Jesus, Christian, Mercy, Blessing, Ethan, Rebecca, Brianna (the triplets), little Ricky (my 5 mo. old nephew who died), my Grandma and Great Grandma. While I still am attached to living in this world, I can look forward to living in the next and never facing the pain I've gone through in this life.
Til next time,
Paula
Monday, April 16, 2007
The Miracle of Life and the Ugliness of Death
Yesterday held two very different events for me, though when I woke up in the morning, I didn't know it would be that way. My girls got 2 baby goats from a family friend to bottle feed and I ran over one of our dogs and he had to be put down.
Last year, we got goats from the same lady. We bottle fed them and kept them until all three died tragically--all in different ways. We're not really set up to keep goats penned up, so they roamed around our barns, which ended up getting them in trouble. This time around, we will be giving the goats back when they are weaned. The girls named them Princess and Sophia. Princess is white with a light tan face. She's small, but Sophia is so much smaller. She's about half the size of Princess and she has a dark brown face and a white body. I finally found a use for the bottles my children never would take. The goats are using them.
I was on my way home, driving up my driveway, not paying attention. I always pay attention to that little dog because he was always in the way! In the year and a half since we got him (a stray that we got from a friend), I have always paid attention to where he was, but yesterday I wasn't. I knew immediately what I'd done because I felt my Excursion run over something. He was alive, but very badly hurt. He kept trying to get up, but his back legs wouldn't work. I called my mother in law and she said his back was probably broken. My husband was at a class all weekend and he wasn't home yet (why does all the bad crap happen when he's gone???), so I called my dad to come and put him down. My dad has had to put down his share of animals for one reason or another, but he doesn't like to do it. Poor Mr. Bo, the dog, who for a year and a half wouldn't let us pet him, let us pet him and try to keep him comfortable until my dad got there. We all cried, especially my 12 year old, who doesn't usually get upset about anything. When my dad got to my house, we all went inside. I petted Mr. Bo and told him I was sorry. He tried to get up, which just broke my heart so bad. I don't know if God has a place for animals, but I was praying so hard yesterday that He does. We've lost lots of dogs over the past several years and it's always hard, but it is so much harder when it's my fault...
Paula
Last year, we got goats from the same lady. We bottle fed them and kept them until all three died tragically--all in different ways. We're not really set up to keep goats penned up, so they roamed around our barns, which ended up getting them in trouble. This time around, we will be giving the goats back when they are weaned. The girls named them Princess and Sophia. Princess is white with a light tan face. She's small, but Sophia is so much smaller. She's about half the size of Princess and she has a dark brown face and a white body. I finally found a use for the bottles my children never would take. The goats are using them.
I was on my way home, driving up my driveway, not paying attention. I always pay attention to that little dog because he was always in the way! In the year and a half since we got him (a stray that we got from a friend), I have always paid attention to where he was, but yesterday I wasn't. I knew immediately what I'd done because I felt my Excursion run over something. He was alive, but very badly hurt. He kept trying to get up, but his back legs wouldn't work. I called my mother in law and she said his back was probably broken. My husband was at a class all weekend and he wasn't home yet (why does all the bad crap happen when he's gone???), so I called my dad to come and put him down. My dad has had to put down his share of animals for one reason or another, but he doesn't like to do it. Poor Mr. Bo, the dog, who for a year and a half wouldn't let us pet him, let us pet him and try to keep him comfortable until my dad got there. We all cried, especially my 12 year old, who doesn't usually get upset about anything. When my dad got to my house, we all went inside. I petted Mr. Bo and told him I was sorry. He tried to get up, which just broke my heart so bad. I don't know if God has a place for animals, but I was praying so hard yesterday that He does. We've lost lots of dogs over the past several years and it's always hard, but it is so much harder when it's my fault...
Paula
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Miscarrying with a housefull
Tomorrow marks the 2 year anniversary of miscarrying Mercy. I wrote about most of the experience in one of my first blogs. I'd like to write about the difference between my first miscarriage when I had no children as opposed to miscarrying when I had them.
My first miscarriage was spent on the couch drawing up my legs every few minutes because of the pain. I cried for almost 2 hours while the contractions came. They gradually got worse, as in childbirth, and eventually stopped all together. I was so relieved when it was over with that I couldn't cry anymore. At least not until the next day and everyday after for over 9 more months. It was quiet, except for my crying and my dogs checking on me trying to figure out what was going on.
When I lost Mercy, I started contracting early in the morning. I had awaken to spotting, which I had not done until that time, even though I had known for over 2 weeks that my baby was dead. I got breakfast for my children and turned Sesame Street (at the time, we didn't have satellite). Every few minutes, I'd close my eyes and breathe. I always did that when I was in labor--close my eyes and breathe slowly in and slowly out. When I was in labor with my kids, I used to say in my head "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" over and over until each contraction was over. I don't remember doing that when I was miscarrying because Jesus felt very far away from me at that time. My son, who was only a year old, started fussing, so I decided to go ahead and nurse him. I didn't know if that would make the contractions harder or if the bleeding would be heavier. I decided I didn't care. My doctor had told me when we found out that Mercy had died that if I bled a pad an hour to get to the Emergency Room. After my son nursed, I went to the bathroom and from the time I stood to the time I got to the bathroom, my pad was soaked. I immediately freaked out, as I had 5 children with me and I live 25 minutes from the ER. It wasn't like I could drive myself, so I called my husband. He's a firefighter and couldn't get off because they were shorthanded that day. My Mom was having blood work done to test for diabetes, so I called my dad, who picked me up and drove me in. By the time I got to the ER, I had been bleeding heavily for over an hour. I walked in and had to get immediately to the bathroom. I bled all over my pants. It was awful because I then had to come out of the bathroom and tell someone what was happening. Thankfully, there was a nurse walking by when I came out and she put me directly in a room. Several hours later, my doctor came in to check on me and everything had passed. She didn't see a baby. I was finally released and I left the hospital feeling physically like I'd just had a baby, but with no baby to show for it.
Four months later, I found myself in the same situation, except I was at my parents' house this time. Once again my dh was working and couldn't get off. It took me awhile to get over that one--suffering through 2 miscarriages alone. I made dinner for my kids because my Mom had a meeting after work. The contractions picked up, along with the bleeding. After sitting on the toilet bleeding for 3 hours, I finally listened to my Mom who told me I needed to go to the ER. Several times during that 3 hours, I almost passed out, so I'm surprised she didn't just load me up and take me. She and my sister-in-law (my bro's wife) went with me and stayed there all night while I bled and eventually had a D&C. The three of us are pretty good about making the best out of a bad situation and I was really glad they were there to lighten the mood. One of the most memorable laughs we had was when the ER doc came in and started to look in my ears. He knew I was miscarrying, so I'm not sure why he did that, but we laughed so hard when he left! I still smile when I think of that.
All of my miscarriage experiences were different and all of them were tragic and a very sad part of my life. I am glad, though, that I have a wonderful family who is willing to bear those kinds of burdens with me.
Paula
My first miscarriage was spent on the couch drawing up my legs every few minutes because of the pain. I cried for almost 2 hours while the contractions came. They gradually got worse, as in childbirth, and eventually stopped all together. I was so relieved when it was over with that I couldn't cry anymore. At least not until the next day and everyday after for over 9 more months. It was quiet, except for my crying and my dogs checking on me trying to figure out what was going on.
When I lost Mercy, I started contracting early in the morning. I had awaken to spotting, which I had not done until that time, even though I had known for over 2 weeks that my baby was dead. I got breakfast for my children and turned Sesame Street (at the time, we didn't have satellite). Every few minutes, I'd close my eyes and breathe. I always did that when I was in labor--close my eyes and breathe slowly in and slowly out. When I was in labor with my kids, I used to say in my head "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" over and over until each contraction was over. I don't remember doing that when I was miscarrying because Jesus felt very far away from me at that time. My son, who was only a year old, started fussing, so I decided to go ahead and nurse him. I didn't know if that would make the contractions harder or if the bleeding would be heavier. I decided I didn't care. My doctor had told me when we found out that Mercy had died that if I bled a pad an hour to get to the Emergency Room. After my son nursed, I went to the bathroom and from the time I stood to the time I got to the bathroom, my pad was soaked. I immediately freaked out, as I had 5 children with me and I live 25 minutes from the ER. It wasn't like I could drive myself, so I called my husband. He's a firefighter and couldn't get off because they were shorthanded that day. My Mom was having blood work done to test for diabetes, so I called my dad, who picked me up and drove me in. By the time I got to the ER, I had been bleeding heavily for over an hour. I walked in and had to get immediately to the bathroom. I bled all over my pants. It was awful because I then had to come out of the bathroom and tell someone what was happening. Thankfully, there was a nurse walking by when I came out and she put me directly in a room. Several hours later, my doctor came in to check on me and everything had passed. She didn't see a baby. I was finally released and I left the hospital feeling physically like I'd just had a baby, but with no baby to show for it.
Four months later, I found myself in the same situation, except I was at my parents' house this time. Once again my dh was working and couldn't get off. It took me awhile to get over that one--suffering through 2 miscarriages alone. I made dinner for my kids because my Mom had a meeting after work. The contractions picked up, along with the bleeding. After sitting on the toilet bleeding for 3 hours, I finally listened to my Mom who told me I needed to go to the ER. Several times during that 3 hours, I almost passed out, so I'm surprised she didn't just load me up and take me. She and my sister-in-law (my bro's wife) went with me and stayed there all night while I bled and eventually had a D&C. The three of us are pretty good about making the best out of a bad situation and I was really glad they were there to lighten the mood. One of the most memorable laughs we had was when the ER doc came in and started to look in my ears. He knew I was miscarrying, so I'm not sure why he did that, but we laughed so hard when he left! I still smile when I think of that.
All of my miscarriage experiences were different and all of them were tragic and a very sad part of my life. I am glad, though, that I have a wonderful family who is willing to bear those kinds of burdens with me.
Paula
Friday, April 6, 2007
This and That
I don't have lot to write about this week, so I'll just talk a little about things that are on my mind and going on in my life.
The school year is finally coming to a close. We probably still have a month's worth to go, but at least we have all of our hours in. We are preparing for a science fair next Friday in our homeschool group, so all week has been busy running experiments and taking notes!
G, my oldest, found our video recorder yesterday. We haven't used it in years. The tape in it was one of her 5th birthday party (she'll be 13 in July). I watched a little of it. My 3rd, B, was just a little baby. My heart ached for the old times when I had a baby and was happy. I am happy most of the time now, but I still have that ache that I think will never go away. It also made me ache inside to think that it had been that long since we used it. So many years lost by not recording special things like that.... Two kids who didn't even make it on the videos! That's something I'll have to remedy. Start taking more home video...
I had my hair colored today (for those friends who read this, this time it's red, but not as red as last time :) ). My friends laugh because I always seem to have a different hair color. My niece, who does my hair, was telling me that another niece of mine is trying to get pregnant. I wonder how I'll handle that one when an announcement is made. I've been in kind of a funk lately, but I'm not sure why. Maybe when I get news about her, I'll be better.
Have a blessed Easter,
Paula
The school year is finally coming to a close. We probably still have a month's worth to go, but at least we have all of our hours in. We are preparing for a science fair next Friday in our homeschool group, so all week has been busy running experiments and taking notes!
G, my oldest, found our video recorder yesterday. We haven't used it in years. The tape in it was one of her 5th birthday party (she'll be 13 in July). I watched a little of it. My 3rd, B, was just a little baby. My heart ached for the old times when I had a baby and was happy. I am happy most of the time now, but I still have that ache that I think will never go away. It also made me ache inside to think that it had been that long since we used it. So many years lost by not recording special things like that.... Two kids who didn't even make it on the videos! That's something I'll have to remedy. Start taking more home video...
I had my hair colored today (for those friends who read this, this time it's red, but not as red as last time :) ). My friends laugh because I always seem to have a different hair color. My niece, who does my hair, was telling me that another niece of mine is trying to get pregnant. I wonder how I'll handle that one when an announcement is made. I've been in kind of a funk lately, but I'm not sure why. Maybe when I get news about her, I'll be better.
Have a blessed Easter,
Paula
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