The Nagging, Never-ending Desire to Have Another Baby

I know it's been awhile since I've posted anything. Most of the time, I'm fine or I just can't think of anything to write.
Since March, I have gone through the anniversary of losing Mercy (April 15) and the anniversary of losing Blessing (August 10). (It's been 3 years. Wow. Where has the time gone?) I have learned of new pregnancies and I have heard of new babies of being born. All of that is well and good and it really doesn't bother me. What does bother me is this nagging dream I have about 2 or 3 times a month. In it, I'm always pregnant and so very happy about it. This is impossible, as I don't have the equipment for pregnancy anymore (I had a hysterectomy 2 1/2 years ago). Everytime I wake up from the dream, I feel the loss of my fertility all over again and I'm sad and depressed again. I'm sure that I dream this so often because I never had closure when my last child was born. I was sure that there would be another, and there were 2 more. They just didn't live.
I knew when I made the decision not to have more children (my husband left the decision up to me, but made it very clear that he didn't want to try again), I knew it would always be a regret that I'd have, but I didn't know that it would haunt me like it does sometimes.
I have also been remembering all of those little things that are so taken for granted when you're going through them--changing a baby's clothes, picking them up and watching their little legs pull up with them because that's how they've been for 9 months, stroking their heads when they would be nursing and just looking at them because they're so beautiful, burping them, everything......
Like I said, most of the time, I am fine, but these dreams are really getting annoying and depressing.
Until I feel like writing again,
Paula